Thanksgiving is typically a holiday of friends, family, feasting, and happy memory making: watching parades, running 5Ks, playing or watching football, etc. When you are struggling, feeling down, or are facing a crisis, this holiday, like many, is often a burden and something almost dreaded because you don’t know how you will survive this ‘happy’ day when you are feeling anything but happy.
Do I have to Pretend to be Happy?
When you are depressed or anxious, sometimes you worry that it is your responsibility to act like everything is okay or else you will ruin everyone’s day. This is not necessarily true.
You don’t have to pretend to be happy!
The goal is not to act like everything is okay, rather the goal is to allow yourself to notice the things that are okay. Notice and go with the things that are neutral or good without discounting them, minimizing them, or completely ignoring them. This can be very challenging and may not last the entire day, but in the moment give yourself permission to appreciate life’s simple blessings and allow yourself the freedom to notice as many blessings throughout the day as possible. What will this look like when you feel like there is nothing good going on in your world? The answer: Shiny Stones.
The Goal is to allow yourself
to notice the things that are okay.
Shiny Stones
Everyday several things happen that are simple blessings or neutral experiences you can be grateful for and notice throughout the day. When you are stuck or sinking deeper into depression or anxiety, you may feel like you are looking down and only notice the bad and dirty things around you. When this is where you are it can be difficult to see blessings.
Instead of pearls, look for “shiny stones”.
Shiny stones are the interesting or slightly pretty stones in your life. You may stumble on them or they may be something you notice throughout your day, but if you pay attention to shiny stones you may find it easier to look up for a moment and notice some of the other blessings around you. This act of noticing shiny stones is the act of giving space to and taking in the simple everyday blessings and neutral events in your day. By noticing these experiences, your perspective will be more open to noticing other blessings and good things that are happening.
Consider these Shiny Stones
A new day. Sometimes with depression waking up can feel horrible because now you have to deal with people and what the day holds. If you can allow yourself to notice that waking to a new day means the possibility to experience something new or different, even if it is only one thing, the day can be a simple blessing. Additionally, waking to a new day carries with it the hope and reminder the day doesn’t last forever. The day ahead may be a hard one, but it will only last 24 hours at the longest. And, you don’t have to take all 24 hours at one time:
You only have to live one second at a time.
Nature. Step outside and take in what nature has to offer. Each day God provides us with beauty in the natural world: sunrises, cloudy skies, clear blue days, sparkling snow, whispering or howling wind, sunsets, moon and star filled skies. Giving yourself a few minutes each day to appreciate the world God has given us is a wonderful way of engaging with life. Sometimes it can be hard to look outside and think “wow, this is so beautiful” because it may not be, but on those days it helps you be thankful for insulated houses and windows to keep the outside out and the inside in. Do you see how a cold rainy day can be an invitation to notice a shiny stone? How many other shiny stones might you notice when you look outside?
Give yourself a few minutes a day to appreciate the world God has given us.
Thanksgiving Survival Guide: How To
- Wake up and allow yourself to notice the thoughts you have about the day. Then, decide to move forward with the activities of the day anyway.
- Take a deep breath and notice 1 simple blessing. Say a short prayer of Thanksgiving. This can be as simple as thinking “God thank you for letting me notice this”.
- Take an action, do something to start the day.
- Make your bed (this can be as simple as pulling up the covers).
- Take a shower or wash your face.
- Brush your teeth and hair.
- Put on clean clothes.
- Say good morning or hello to the first person you see.
- Notice the blessing of their life…if they are a source of stress or trouble for you, then focus on the shiny stone of being able to speak enough to say hello and notice the opportunity to make things a little better or at least different today by saying hello.
- Thank God for getting you through the moments of the day that have already passed.
- Look for another shiny stone.
- If you are feeling overwhelmed or struggling, give yourself permission to step back and reset.
- Go outside to take a breath and look around. Notice what you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste.
- Take a drink of water and step back from all the ‘to dos’. Notice those people and things round you, taking in what you see, can feel or touch, hear, smell, and taste.
- Then take several deep breaths, Thank God for the ability to breath. Then get started on the next thing to do.
- Do something that you enjoy or used to enjoy
- Ask someone to share a joke or a funny story
- Listen to music
- Play an audio book
- Smile at those around you
- Watch the animals play
- Take a moment and notice this shiny stone, then continue moving forward.
- Repeat the steps above throughout the day until the day is finished and you are able to lay down for the evening.